and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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