Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
