considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
