Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos