need another drink. this is the easiest way
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"