WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.