I swear god or herbie drove my car home
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.