fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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