neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize