so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
