U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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