Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
