How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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