she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
