they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
