you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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