my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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