and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I need to calm my uterus...
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
