I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
