youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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