i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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