Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
