And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
