All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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