tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
