His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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