saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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