how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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