I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
