never play flip cup with pint glasses
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
