Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
17 year olds will be the death of me.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
