I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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