Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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