I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
