i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
