any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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