I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize