I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize