my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
