I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Enjoy the penises
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
