So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
