Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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