So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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