I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
