Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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