It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
