Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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