yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
