i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Randomize
