i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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