'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Too much gin, very little bucket
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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