the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
