But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
