I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
