I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
