She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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