He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
