True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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