I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
