yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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