We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
