I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Randomize
