her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
