there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
it was like having sex with a tree stump
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
