you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
