We're like a lot better than the average bears
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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