half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Randomize
