I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
