3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
