I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
