She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
