Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
