I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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