mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Are we still banned from the library?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I need to sanitize my soul.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
