i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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