oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I need to calm my uterus...
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
