I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
