Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
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It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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