maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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